1 there is a field
2 i am the field
3 the flowers
4 i am not the flowers
5 it is easy to mistakes myself for the flowers
6 it is easy to want to be the flowers
7 i am the field
8 the trees
9 they are around me but i am the field
10 the sky
11 it is above me and i look at it
12 it is above me but not better
13 i am the field

last night as we laid, i asked you “don’t you miss falling asleep next to me?” and after a few of your breaths i fell asleep in agreement

ocean of you,
waves brought forth
of you

what nature you have
stored behind the pupils
of your eyes

beauty does not know
what it does,
and so it is is

every day god buries me in some sort of new way

every day i wake up several times before i get up because i like the feeling of being able to go back to sleep after waking up

every day i pray to god and thank him for burying me

every day i feel minimally aware of my body and mostly aware of my thoughts and as the day goes onward the ratio inverts

every day i smell things that ive never smelled before but they are close enough to things that i have smelled before so they dont catch my attention (the same goes for hearing/feeling/seeing things (doesn’t apply to eating/drinking because usually eating is a very active thing))

every day i smile, frown, and laugh, in different orders and amounts than the preceding day and the following day

every day i pray on accident to myself in my thoughts or at least thats what i think im doing since i’m talking to myself

every other day i wake up to an odd day (just about every other day except for months that end on the 31st, then i wake up to two odd days in a row, which for some reason feels even) and dont feel any different.

every day i want to do things that i like or that feel emotionally good, but i might know that they arent good things to do, so my mind fights with itself due to the cognitive dissonance and i either am able to convince myself at the time that the thing is good (which usually unravels later and ends in regretting the thing i did) or i am unable to convince myself at the time that the thing is good (and regret not doing the thing that i wanted to do)

every day i every day i every day i wake up every day and pray to god and myself and the birds and the trees and the spaces in-between letters and i dont feel any different